Happy

Friday, 24th Desember...
one day before x-mas day, happy x- mas for anyone who celebrate it...
anyway I'm a moslem... :D

it was my happiest day in this few weeks, after all the hard things happen, after all the problem starting to annoyed, after all the exam on process to be done... Yeah... it was really really my happiest day in this month...

sometimes we need to lie

I am a liar...

not once, but in many times, many conditions, many ways...

ya... I am a big liar, who doesn't? We all a liar, you, your family, your love, your besties, your enemy, all people in the world is a liar...

sometimes we lie to protect our self, or to hide something, or maybe to protect someone we love, or something we like... we are lying in difference reason, and even we know that's wrong, but we have no choice.... no no no... we have no choice... ya, we always have a choice, we can choose to be honest, no matter the result, but sometimes we too scared to admit it, we scare we'll get anger, we scare we'll loose what we like or love, ya... we, people-human being, are too scare, either the effect to ourself or to somebody else or something else... that's why we lie..

and today, I did it..

I am lying...

I am a big liar...

project #1

yesterday when I got a trap in a big trouble damn sucks traffic jam, actually it's not a traffic jam, it was a result of some stupid who called their self as a college student but their behavior worse than a uneducated person... they said they was celebrate anti-corruption day, but OMG, what they did just make a huge trouble, a very very huge trouble...

make a jam for almost 10 hours, throw a lot of stones, and many things more that were so stupid...

there are some pics that will show you how terrible yesterday...

I drop down my tears doesn't mean I'm not strong enough...

I just became so mellow in this few weeks...
day by day, even just for something unimportant, I wanna cry...
and almost all the night, what I do is just crying...
maybe there are a lot of stock of tears in my eyes that I never drop down since a couple of months, and finally my eyes can't hold it anymore and finally... it's became a tears rain... T_T

karena hidup itu lucu...

diberondong masalah bertubi-tubi dengan oknum yang sama, membuatku menjadi begitu terpuruk minggu-minggu ini...
ya... I've a bunch trouble with my dad, the only man who I really really love in this world...

dan setelah insiden kabur dari rumah (mungkin tepatnya didepak dari rumah), menyendiri, menjalani hidup normal selama 3 hari, kembali ke rumah, menjalani kehidupan tidak normal kembali -yang dipaksakan untuk menjadi normal-, kerja siang malam, kembali membolos kuliah demi kerjaan, dimarahin-seperti biasa-karena ngga ada kerjaan, dan akhirnya kembali terjadi masalah dengan orang yang sama, my only one beloved dad...

bapak...

bapak...
aku sayang, sayang sekali padamu...
teramat sayang...
kau tahu bagaimana pedihnya diriku ketika jauh darimu...
aku menangis, pak..
menangis ketika mereka semua terlelap dalam damai...
aku menangis dalam diamku, bapak...
dan kau tau... itu jauh lebih menyakitkan dibandingkan meraung...
pedih, melebihi irisan apapun...

this is not a given up, this is a sign to be peace with our own self

last nite is the 3rd nite I far away from dad,

let's say, my escape... ouch.. it's sound that I'm a little rebel girl...

then, surprise me..

dad came and talk to me...

of course with his egoistic as a dad, as usual dad in the world, hehehe

but, *underline this* I do love him..

you know what I mean with 'egoistic dad' character?

it's a kind like someone older ( re : parents ) who actually need us, but they use a discredit way to pretend that they didn't need us - oh, I hope you can understand what I mean to , it's a complicated to describe, hehehe -

letter to dad

dear my beloved dad 

-  the best ever dad in the world -

Maybe I couldn't remember the first time you saw me

Maybe I couldn't remember the first thing that you did to me

Ya.. I even couldn't remember the first word that I said to you

And I sure, we have the same problem, right dad?'

dancing even you're not the one who invited

don't you know how life's work?

don't you know how meaningful life it is?

don't you know that life is more than just black and white?

don't you know there are a million colors from life that you can paint?

don't you know that? because I'm not...

the 1st step

time is moving...

second by second...

minute to hours...

day by day...

month to years...

yeah... we all not the same anymore like yesterday...

did we remember the best moment in our past?

did we remember the saddest moment in our life before?

we all moving on...

no matter how worst the past

no matter the curiosity in the future

no matter how

we all moving on

like when we were child,

we were born as a holy creature

we didn't know what we'll get in the future

but we still moving on

we're moving on from our 1st step,

since we know how to stand by our own feet

since we know how to walk on the road

since we know how to run 

since we know how to dance

we all moving on

no matter how, no matter why

we all moving on